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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Josh's LiveJournal:

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    Saturday, February 19th, 2005
    8:04 am
    Dubya by Karen_Walker
    Who'd make a better President than Bush?
    Here's Your Pic!
    Quiz created with MemeGen!

    Current Mood: amused
    Sunday, February 6th, 2005
    8:48 pm
    a sort of upbeat post?!
    Yeah so I'm work? yes! how?

    I finally got transferred out to the parking lot and i fucking love it out there. It's quiet, peaceful, and muuuuuuuuuuuuuuch easier than the register. Plus you get...uh...donations from nice people which is always a plus. I'm amazed that I can work my ass off for eight or so hours and still be upbeat and cheery after work. I'm used to being sad and angry after yeah this rocks. The fae wants me to think about getting a waiter job but I don't know how good I'd be at that. I'm pretty content working in the lot right now and I think I shall wait until I hate it out there before I look at another job. I'll probably get a LOA during the summer so I can return to the mosquito commission. We'll see how it all works out...still a few months away yet. I've been working out a lot between doing the lot at work and doing some DDR with the Fae at night. I still have no rhythm but i'm getting better. As long as we keep it on beginner that is. If we move it up to "light" we frantically pound our feet on the mats trying to keep up with the torrent of arrows. It's fun even if I do look like an ass, so there. :-P

    ~End Entry~
    Friday, January 28th, 2005
    4:05 pm
    Ponderances about the future
    It's a question we all ask. What do I want to do when i "grow up"? Do I follow Path A, Path B, Path C or no Path at all? Do I believe in this thing or that thing? Will I stand up for this or that? Where will I live? How will I plan for my retirement? What is the right thing to do? How can I tell it apart from the wrong thing to do? I wonder about all of these things all the time. I want to do so many things. Is it better to do one, or two or try to do all of them. Should I settle or should I vow to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield? I want to teach. I want to actively conserve, protect, and restore nature. I want to sue companies and individuals that damage our world. I don't know if I can do it all. I don't know if my energy is better expended doing one or divided amongst all. I don't know where my effort is better spent. Education, Protection or Defense? It is a difficult question. By influencing the minds of the youth one has the best impact on the future. However if one does not actively preserve what we still have then there will be little for one's students to do. Yet if one goes to the very heart of the storm, the core of the problem one has the chance to stem the tide at its source. My heart knows it wants to do all three. My head tells me that it is not logical to spread myself that thin. My soul knows simply that I have do something. I don't know what is best. My problem is not WHAT I want to do with my future but how best to spend it. I yearn to teach, but I have passion for conservation and I can feel my satisfaction at suing those that would do the environment wrong. This is when having a twin would come in handy, lol. Best fiend, you in? You'd like being a hippie lawyer, right? :oD Yeah right. More like lawyer of the corporations. Ah, if the best fiend and I met in the courtroom I can see how it would go.

    Fiend: Your Honor, this hippie's claims are a waste of your Honor's valuable time.
    Judge: Oh really?
    Fiend: **Opening large briefcase** I have some surprise witnesses in here you might agree with. Grant, Franklin and McKinley.

    Judge: **Smiling** Your witnesses are compelling. Throw the hippie lawyer in jail!

    Something to that effect. The thing is i'm sure the two of us would enjoy that. We do thrive on competition. lol.

    Well i'm off to ponder some more.

    peace out

    End Entry

    Current Mood: geeky
    Tuesday, January 25th, 2005
    7:11 pm
    I know i'm very very paranoid, but
    Today, Crazy Guy was following me. For those that don't know the tale i will say that this guy is an absolute whack job that followed Nicole and I around the Met a year ago on a class trip. He was pissing me off because he was walking right behind nicole and looking down her blouse and shit so i started stomping him away from her etc etc. finally we ditched him. He's been a slight annoyance since then but nothing major.

    Today i walked past the jerk on campus. I followed my normal code of avoidance...don't make eye contact, act unaware of the thing's presence, etc etc. He yells out really loud as I walk by. "I WIN THIS ROUND. I'm still coooler than you." Naturally I call him a moron and continue on my way. I was enjoying my walk around campus and I had time to kill before the next class. The next time I saw him he was harassing a group of people. The next time I saw him the group had walked away from him and were taunting him. After I got out of Precalc he ran past me from behind and walked off to the side. I noticed him following me and moved faster to the car. He tried to follow me by car but I moved out of the lot before he could get behind me. All the way home I was thinking of ways to kill him. It hit me then just how paranoid i really am. I'm like...threat...kill threat. It is never a good idea to make me feel threatened. I'd rather avoid conflict. I'll walk away. I'll ignore you. But if my physical safety begins to be in question I can get evil. I am pondering the various ways to inflict the most harm upon his person in the least amount of time. Pushing him down the stairs or perhaps pounding his head into a pillar or smothering him with snow and burying the body in it. Standard stuff really. I know that I am paranoid but this motherfucker is crazy. I'll out-crazy his ass if I have to. I just wish we lived in the time when you could challenge people to a duel. I'd bring a grenade and shove it up his ass.

    End Entry

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Sunday, January 23rd, 2005
    11:37 pm
    my usual rambly bitchings and bitchy ramblings
    I can't believe that the potheads are over tonight in this shittastic weather. Sunday nights are usually quiet here because her brother has work early monday. Usually. Then Nicole comes in and tells me that one of them said something nasty about her in the hallway...but then bans me from doing anything. that pisses me off. She gets my irish up to the point i want to kick pothead J's ass and then i have to sit on it? BAH. I'm in a fighting mood anyway. I have these moods where i actually want to hurt someone. I mean literally just pound some asshole until they cry out for mercy...then hit them harder for yelling loudly in my ear. That sort of sociopathic tendancy. I've pretty much hid in the bedroom because i really think i would do someone some damage right now under the least provocation. It scares me when i'm this dark...but i also sort of like it too. It's confusing. I embrace my personal darkness but i don't want to do something later on that I will regret. On the other hand i've discovered that classical techno rocks. Hell most all techno rocks but classical techno especially rocks my noggin. Almost quells my need to pound my fist into a bong sucking face. ALMOST.

    Tomorrow is the first day of school. I'm not looking forward to it as much as i thought i would. I would have liked some more time to relax after the hell semester last term. I'm not ready to dive back into the fight yet i think. But i'll have to be. I'll adapt but i'm scared. I'm worried that i'm not smart enough or good enough or bright enough to make it and fulfill my dreams. I know, same shit everyone else goes through. But i'm in my head and i have to deal with this shit. I've always felt inadequate...i'm terrified of getting proof.

    I'm starting to feel closed in again. Trapped.

    End Entry

    Current Mood: anxious
    Wednesday, January 12th, 2005
    10:35 pm
    Random Rambles and Senseless Solemn Saluations
    I look at our little dry erase board and ponder the date on there:

    1 June 2006

    This is my future. This is my goal. This is what I focus on when the situation of living in this house becomes too much.

    1 June 2006

    This is when if everything goes to plan the fae and I will move to Syracuse, NY.

    I smile when I think of her and I in our own place again.
    I just about do a jig when i think of no random morons, no drugs and no late night card games.

    1 June 2006

    The start of our new lives.

    Right now Nicole's Dad is in Atlantic City which means there is no rein upon her brother. Joe has Terrik over now and they are listening to some shitty faux gangster music and screaming "meow meow" at each other. I lament because before he got home there was NO ONE here. It was quiet. It was peaceful. As soon as he walks into the house he must shatter that quiet. Even now he screams "blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah" about something. I don't know what and I don't care. I want to rage at him. I want to kick the shit out of him sometimes. He's a good guy and easy to get along with but sometimes he has absolutely no thought as to anyone else in the house. He doesn't care if it's late and we have school early the next day. He doesn't care if the music is so fucking loud I can hear it through the closed door with my relaxtion cd blaring out. It's his house. At the rate he is going now he will never leave it. What right have I to say anything to him? None. It makes it no less easy to endure. I miss having my own home. No smoking. NO DRUGS AND NO LOUDNESS LATE AT NIGHT. No random drunk people coming over and bellowing at each other stupidly. I feel trapped in this room almost all the time when I'm home. I hate it. I hate sitting in this little tiny room. But what I feel doesn't really matter.

    1 June 2006

    I'd trade the year and a half between that day and this one if only it meant I'd be free of this house. I don't understand how they can live like this. How can they stand the noise. Haven't they ever taken the time to appreciate the silence of the house? of course not. It's like an unwritten rule.

    I digress.

    I did a lot of research on Syracuse, NY and it has double the crime rate of the national average. This I do not like. I'd rather live a little farther out of the city where it is safer. I'm a little paranoid when it comes to these things. Okay I'm a lot paranoid. I always have been. It's always easier to worry about things I can't control and to make plans for the unexpected rather than deal with the issues right in front of me that I have no influence over whatsoever. Dylan Thomas said as the poet to his dying father "Rage against the dying of the light". I have taken that as my motto, though not exactly in the way that Thomas meant. The Light for me is also hope, the future, and the decline of society. I rage against the sense that it angers me and I refuse to yield that anger, that resistance. My anger fuels me but it weakens me. I think a lot of my anger stems from biting my tongue. After we move to Syracuse I resolve to speak my mind no matter the cost. Those that will associate with me will either accept me or they won't but I have a hunch that I'll have a lot less anger built up.

    1 June 2006

    It's a Dream
    It's a Goal
    It's the rest of our lives

    End Entry

    Current Mood: annoyed
    Saturday, January 8th, 2005
    11:21 am
    Stolen from SynergyLizz's Journal
    Which pearl jam song am i?

    take the which pearl jam song are you? quiz, a product of the pearljammers community.

    but i must confess...i have never listened to Pearl Jam...but I do like weird al's song "My baby's in love with Eddie Veddar"...he's in PJ, right?

    End Entry

    Current Mood: amused
    Wednesday, January 5th, 2005
    3:15 pm
    English II--- A (of course)
    Bio II--- B
    College Algebra---B

    I am so fucking happy about that B in College Algebra. I fucking studied my ass off. TO get the B I had to get an 87 or above on the final test which was hard as hell. WOOT WOOT for me. Current Running GPA: 3.552 which I shall improve next term.

    I am the Champion, you bitches!


    End Entry

    Ps: Lots of thanks to best fiend for that cram session that most assuredly enabled me to pass. I owe you...345604854058035832095803295809325802395802358032 times now. lol.

    Current Mood: accomplished
    Wednesday, December 29th, 2004
    12:09 am
    I stole this from someone because i'm evil and easily amused :-D
    1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (Name of first pet + Street you live on): Richard Shadow (reversed for sense)

    2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (Name of your favorite snack food + Grandfather's first name): John Pringle(R)

    3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (First word you see on your left + Favorite restaurant): Green Cheddars

    4. EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice + Last Vacation Spot): Parmesan Delaware

    5. SOCIALITE ALIAS: (Silliest Childhood Nickname + Town Where You First Partied): Ogre Plano
    6. "FLY GIRL" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First Initial + First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name): J. Me

    7. ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet Within Sight + Any Liquid in Kitchen): Chocolate Tea

    8. DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite Baby Animal + Where You Went to High School): Chimpanzee Plano

    9. BARFLY ALIAS: (Last Snack Food You Ate + Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink): Kiss Jack

    10. SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name + Street Where You First Lived): Andrew Buckingham

    11. ROCK STAR ALIAS: (Favorite Candy + Last Name Of Favorite Musician): Crunch Yankovich

    Current Mood: amused
    Tuesday, December 28th, 2004
    11:01 pm
    Feeling Fine 2005
    I'm happy. yes mark it on your calender. I am happy. I feel motivated and energetic and ready to start the new year with a bang! Here for posterity are my 2005 Resolutions


    1. Lose Weight (Goal 230 lbs by next new years eve)
    2. Ride bike w/the fae
    3. Go to canada
    4. Be more eco-active
    5. Be healthy
    6. Make the choice everyday to be happy
    7. Better job
    8. Do better at school
    9. Let the people in my life know how I feel NOW
    10.Spend more time w/the fae
    11.Spend more time w/my dad
    12.Spend more time doing and less time talking

    That's one for every month of the new year. I plan on accomplishing ALL of my goals. If you actually read this ramble-fest then i want you to do the same thing. 12 goals for 12 months. Who's with me? :oD

    End Entry

    Current Mood: happy
    Monday, December 27th, 2004
    6:44 pm
    amused nonsense post about drinking
    xmas party at Zentho's house!!

    harley51185</strong> drank 13 everclears, 13 sambuccas and 15 mescals.

    During a game of Twister harley51185</strong> reached out and felt synergylizz</strong>'s arse.
    synergylizz</strong> is now in rehab trying to recover from this trauma.

    In my day a man could handle his drink. A friend of mine could drink a gallon of bourboun in one sitting and could
    still drive home, beat his wife and have enough energy to sleep with her afterward!

    sapphireaura</strong> drank 3 everclears, a champagne, 15 goldschlagers, 4 ales, 11 brandys and 4 stouts.

    sapphireaura</strong>'s irrational fear of toasters stems from an incident where their father jammed his manly adapter in the bread slot. Being an evil bastard acutevoltaire</strong> chased sapphireaura</strong> around the house with one all night!

    synergylizz</strong> drank 8 pulques, 5 tequilas and 9 ales.

    acutevoltaire</strong> drank 8 red wines, 7 absinthes and 6 white russians.

    zentho</strong> drank 12 rums and 9 ales.

    sado</strong> drank 8 red wines and 5 white wines.

    stubborn_cade</strong> drank 12 pulques.

    Nearly everyone who arrived at your party later confessed that they lost the will to live on average 3.54 times an hour. B-O-R-I-N-G!

    Xmas Party?

    Drunken fights, hammer attacks, glorious turkeys, ridiculous amounts of alcohol, sex, drugs and rock n roll

    Enter your name below to experience the ultimate in complete useless bollocks!

    Drunken Hero

    Current Mood: amused
    Sunday, December 26th, 2004
    11:19 am
    just a post note
    ginger ale is good. very good. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm no puky from wine feeling :-D
    11:04 am
    yeah so anyway around 830pm nicole's aunt pat calls so i go into the other room and start drinking with joe and terrik. Here's what I had

    2 8oz glasses of mixed vodka/orange juice stuff that tastes like cremesicle

    19 shots of cranberry juice and whiskey

    three or four shots of wine

    and it was the wine that made me puke. Spent four hours in the bathroom in a half stupor puking. towards the end i sobered up enough to fall asleep in the shower instead of the toliet and i turned the hot water on, turned it off when it got cold enough to wake me up. repeated more times then i could remember. finally sobered up near 4am and cleaned up my mess, washed myself and got to bed. needless to say i'll probably hear about it for the rest of my fucking life but it's okay. i'm not doing it again...just thinking about drinking makes my stomach do flip-flops.

    goddamn that sucked. i don't have a hangover luckily but i don't recommend 4 hrs of puking for it. it was all the wines fault. fucking fermented grape shit. lol.

    i know i know me updating twice in a week is like a portent of the end of days but oh well. lol.

    end entry
    Friday, December 24th, 2004
    10:11 am
    it's beginning to smell a lot like x-mas
    I don't do LJ cuts. if you cannot stand to read a few pages of rants and stupid mumblings then run away right now.

    Where to start? How much I hate living here in NJ? How much I hate cigarette smoke, drugs, and excessive nightly alcohol? Feeling more alone then I've ever felt before??? I mean in TX when i was a kid sometimes i literally spent MONTHS alone in my room, barely ever emerging. I still feel lonelier now. I don't want to make friends here because i'll be leaving in a little more then a year and i don't want another long distance friend. I want someone to hang out with sometimes. My problem is I just don't like people. Being around people, forcing myself to interact with them drives me insane. I can handle small, comfortable groups but being put into a whirlwind of loud people i don't know drives me even more crazy. My girlfriend is under a lot of stress and basically has ignored my existence for weeks. I need more from her then she can give. I don't blame her per se. This house would drive anyone crazy. I have no control of anything, no knowledge of anything. People come and go at all hours, loud, drunk and stoned. Stupid alarms go off when I'm trying to sleep. Waking up Joe means waking up me, and i'd like to sleep but I guess not. Life goes on.

    I had a great time in texas over thanksgiving. Such a great time that i really didn't want to leave. MY two little cousins are such little darlings. I love them so much and it makes me very sad that I am missing them growing up. I was there at their births, held them before they were even a day old. I want them in my life. They restore my faith in the future and in humanity.

    School kicked my ass this semester. I mean by any standards I did fine. But i'm used to learning being easy for me. Ten minute review before exam, get an A. I hit a fucking brick wall. I studied my ass off for hours and hours and I just couldn't remember everything. Algebra, my old foe that was making sense suddenly passed into the realm of "What the fuck." I tried and tried there too. Still don't know my grade. I hate my job too so it's just more stress. Even being there a few hours is hell for me. I have to put on my "happy face" and it's exhausting. But that's who i am to them, mr. smiles. If they saw me at home or at school i'm sure they'd think i was a different person and they would be right. I'm not happy. I don't know how to be.

    And as usual Xmas sucks. My family's christmas is simple. Gather at someone's house. Eat food. Pass out gifts. Good times. Here it's like must buy 3236943698496403960349 gifts. Since nicole and I both work and do school we had to do the majority of our xmas shopping within the last two days. Drives me crazy. If she can't relax and enjoy the fucking season, how the hell am i supposed to??? Plus i loathe going to her Aunt Roberta's house for xmas eve. I can't relate to that many people at once and i don't want to. I hate feeling closed in for hours, not really being part of something. Nicole would tell me that's my own fault and she'd be right. I just can't deal with that many people all at once. If i got to know them individually maybe. but there isn't anytime. Get in line, ya know. I can't stand this. I don't want to ever deal with a Collins Family xmas again.

    The noise. The noise never ends. Yelling drunkenly. Phone for joe every five seconds, usually Terek. People teasing me. I can only take so much so back the fuck off. And her dad tells me yesterday that he finally accepted his sister's invitation for xmas dinner. fuck that. i'm not a goddamned accessory. I'm going to stay here and be alone. Make a goddamned excuse for me i don't care. all the fucking bitching he did for me to get LOTR: THe fellowship so we could have an xmas marathon and now this? whatever. go. have fun. it's not my style. i'm going to spend at least one small part of this fucked up holiday my fucking way. just because you decide to go doesn't mean i'm going. It's not that her family's ever even been slightly mean to me. I'm just so uncomfortable that every minute is hell. worse still i don't know when the hell we leave these things. I told her flat out that we leave her aunt roberta's early. I still have xmas wrapping. plus i'm working at hell depot from 1-630 where every buttfucking jerseyite will be wishing me a merry christmas. fuck you and fuck your god and his bastard son's birthday. that's what i really want to say. i settle for "Happy Season". But now you know what i really mean by it.

    I know nicole loves christmas and i should try harder to be in the holiday spirit for her sake but i just can't. I don't feel it. I don't want to feel it. Every year I dread the holidays more and more. I want to go back to texas for xmas next year but she gets all pissed off if i travel in december. she can't get off of work and i just wanna say "i need time with my family too." granted my family hasn't been as nice to her as hers has been to me but they are still my kith and kin. Worse of all I really miss john. he's 74 and alzheimers has really kicked in. even though he breathes he's practically dead. it's the worst kind of torment. when i saw him at thanksgiving he barely seemed to know i was there. i can feel the love that man contains for our whole family, whom he took in and loves as his own. i'm so glad my grandmother married him. he's the best part of our family.

    I miss my best fiend. I miss having someone to hang out with, to share amusing things with that no one else could be amused by. I miss the u2 fests, the stupid competitions and the way we bring out the best in each other. I've had few friends in my life and i shall have few in the coming years. Susan has shown me the meaning of a best friend. I don't worry about susan screwing me over or abusing my trust or hurting me. I know when the chips are high or low susan is there for me. a man is lucky to have such a friend and i'd never trade that for anything. Not even Money. $$$$

    I just need to get out of here. It's too much for me to take. I know it must be worse for nicole but sometimes you can't see past your own misery. It's selfish but it's the way I am. i've known since i was a kid that i had to look out for myself sometimes. it's a cruel world. sometimes you have to trade the good of the many for the good of the one.

    Don't tell me that things will get better. I know they will. Don't tell me i'm an asshole. I know that. Just if you actually read this take it as a window to me. It's the real me. I'm a fucking ball of pain. If you can take the sarcasm, the assholian way i do things and the depression i spread then good for you. if you can't at least you can take comfort in the fact that you aren't as fucked up as i am. a word to the wise: Look before you leap because the fall to hell is made from good intentions.

    end entry

    Current Mood: apathetic
    Wednesday, November 24th, 2004
    7:39 pm
    Back in Texas
    Sitting with my best fiend. Surfing the net. Listening to U2. It's a grand time. Off to Dave and Busters for food, games and whiskey!!!!!!!!!!! Tomorrow off to Moulton to see grandparents for turkey day...booo don't eat meat!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Anyway...I updated. Stop complaining that I never update. You know who you are!!!!

    Anyway the flight was the flight from hell. Bad turbulence all the way to DFW. Meat only food. I know now what a manwich feels like. Middle seat in between two guys with no elbow room not exactly pleasant but I coped. I was very very happy to land. Ground not shaking good. Don't mind my choppy sentences...i was too excited to sleep last night so now i am running on empty and feeling sort of odd. It's all good.

    End Entry

    Current Mood: chipper
    Sunday, September 5th, 2004
    7:55 pm
    Yes an actual update! Rant: Down with Whitey!
    Just been doing a lot of thinking and I wanted to preserve my thoughts, such as they are, for posterity...mostly my own amusement. After a few years all of my anger seems funny.

    My current, most pressing annoyance is the two party system. Which rich old white man to I want to vote for? Let's see...hmm...Redneck Asshole who is playing cowboy with the world and degrading the environment or Kerry who cannot make up his mind. I cannot stand either. I do not want Bush in the White House again. He was a horrible Governor of Texas. He's been a lousy President. But he can make up his mind, which Kerry cannot do. I loathe the Demo-RAT-ic party. I loathe the Repulsican party. My issue is thus. Do I vote for Nader, and thus with the candidate whom I feel most connected to philosophically, or do I vote Demo-rat-ic...since they do more to preserve the environment then the repulsicans. I feel torn between my ideals and reality. Nader will not win the election. Kerry is better than Bush on the environment but he doesn't fit my mold of leader. Bush is a good man...a true redneck. He's not smart but for the most part i think he is decent and honest. Kerry is intelligent but a toadie, trying to please everyone. I wish there was a way to elect Ralph Nader as President. He is not afraid to take a stand for his ideals. He is not afraid to tell the truth. He is practical and compassionate. I would be proud to call him my President. Barring a miracle this shall not ever be. The sad truth is many voters cast their ballots along party lines with very little consideration of the person for whom they vote. The open minded are sometimes faced with this choice: Which is the lesser of two evils? Which candidate can I stand the least? Which one offends my very being the most? It is a difficult line to walk. I believe that the only way to restore the system is to forbid corporations from donating to candidates and to drastically limit the money spent on elections. I think that there should be at least three parties and that each party should have an equal limit of funds from which to campaign. I would eliminate lobbyists. I would like to do away with all the bloody taxes we have to pay. Taxes on almost everything we purchase. Fees on everything else. I personally lose one paycheck a month to the government. I'm against paying for Social Security. I can save my own damn money for retirement thank you. I don't need Uncle Sam to do it for me. In fact I wish he wouldn't since the damn thing goes bankrupt all the time. I'd be all for a flat income tax rate of 10 percent across the board. We'd eliminate all these damn tax loops for the rich and all the tax lawyers too. Hopefully the IRS as well. I don't think too many people would be sad about that. I'd leave the state sales tax and property tax alone to let the states and the cities have some form of funding. I'll admit I don't have the whole thing worked out but I think that this makes more sense then this immense system we've built for ourselves where the rich can find loopholes by paying accountants and lawyers to find it while the middle class labor under the heavy taxes and the rich are punished for making more money.

    Yeah I'm sure I don't make a lot of sense. As long as I make sense to myself I'm okay. I should mention that I'm a firm believer that the government should concern itself only with the integrity and safety of our borders and the general welfare of the people, not meddle in our everyday lives.

    On a happy love and i got back from delaware today where we saw Journey LIVE in Wilmington at the Kahuna Summerstage along the riverwalk. I was less than 20 feet away and it was awesome. They were really into the performance and the lead singer's energy was infectious. I enjoyed every minute of it :-D

    That is all (for now)

    End entry

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Monday, July 26th, 2004
    9:45 pm
    my fucked up life and why i fucking hate it :-D
    Well lets see

    live her my gf's father's house...i'm a private person and need a lot of quiet and space and the such

    her brother is a pothead and drunkard who has a lot of friends of the same persuasion who like to come over here and party. I really don't like parties and loud me an old fart but it's just the way i am.

    I don't like the smell/sight of drugs. I've never done them and I don't see myself doing them but it is just really disturbing to see.

    I cannot stand living here. I don't see any other options. I'm actually going to college and doing well. I'm worried if i stop going i'll lose my motivation to go and give up on my dreams of becoming an environmental scientist. On the other hand this house of chaos and pain is slowly driving me insane. I'm almost twenty-three and I have to admit that i much prefer living on my own/with the fae then living under anyone else's roof.

    I really need my own space somehow. Can't think of a cost effective way to accomplish this. It's too expensive in NJ to get our own place while going to college while being raped out the ass for car insurance.

    I know things will get better when i am back at college. I cannot describe in words how much i love being at college. It's another thing i thought i'd never achieve, right up there with getting my license. I'm determined to get my degree.

    Then i come home and i have to worry about the cats getting out, her dad yelling at me for what nicole/joe do, on top of what i do, assholes coming over that i simply cannot stomach. That asshole tommy was here all fucking weekend. I truly hate him and i pretty much stayed in my room all bloody weekend to keep the urge to kill his hateful stupid ass.


    I hate it here. But leaving is not an option...rock and a hard place, story of my life.

    I am really happy that the best fiend will be here thursday :-D

    end entry

    Current Mood: contemplative
    9:44 pm
    Random amusing thing

    Name / Username:

    Name Acronym Generator

    yeah, i'm lame

    end entry

    p.s. three more days :-D

    Current Mood: contemplative
    Saturday, May 29th, 2004
    2:09 am
    I guess I should start posting again
    it's only fair that I resume entries once again in this my chronicle of rambling. I have been replying to posts for the first time in ages and I assume that those who would seek out this journal want something more recent to read then the same old crap that's been on the front pages for many months.

    Recent Events

    Began Attending Ocean County College in January after a 4 year break from school.

    Studying for Environmental Science with an eye towards forestry/natural resource conservation.

    Joined the Environmental Club at school.

    Left Payless Hell Source

    Started Job with the Ocean County Mosquito Commission.

    And given how boring my life is....well that just brings everything up to date now doesn't it. lol.

    My job is easy. I love being outside all day. best of all we only spray for mosquito larvae and we use a bacteria that only affects the larvae while leaving the rest of the ecosystem untouched. Of course I get infuriated when I see all of the woods that they will be cutting down so some rich assholes can get richer. How many stores do we really need in NJ? Does it really matter if you have to drive another two whole minutes to get there? seriously people wake up! Stop having children! Stop buying SUVs! Stop coming to the Jersey Shore and driving like an ass. Did i mention that as a rule I hate people? lol.

    Well i'm sure I can find something interesting to say later.

    I'm looking forward to TCW's trip here in July during the faerie's 21st b-day celebration. I don't see TCW that often so when we can get together it's something I think about months in advance like a little boy waiting for xmas.

    End Entry

    Current Mood: awake
    Thursday, February 19th, 2004
    6:32 am
    What rose am I?
    Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The

    "When I wake up alone, the shades are still
    drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
    their lines on my bed and lines on my

    The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
    melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
    the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
    or Unrequited Love.

    As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
    hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
    much love to give, but thing just never seem to
    work out the way you want them to. In life,
    you can be very optomistic, even when things
    are gray and nothing works out to your

    What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
    brought to you by Quizilla

    Current Mood: amused
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